Why Loving Yourself Creates Sexual Passion With Your Partner

What creates sexual passion?

  • First, there needs to be sexual chemistry between two people. Sexual chemistry can sustain passion for a while, but it isn’t enough in a long-term relationship.
  • For sexual passion to continue, partners need to feel emotionally connected with each other.

What creates emotional connection?

  • In order to connect with a partner in a committed relationship, you need to first be connected with yourself.
  • You get connected with yourself by learning how to love yourself.

Here’s what happens when you practice an inner work process and learn to love yourself:

  • The more you learn to see and value your true soul essence, the more you can see and value the soul essence of your partner. Being deeply seen and valued by each other creates a deep sense of relationship safety and emotional connection, which then easily translates into sexual passion when two people have chemistry between them.
  • The more you value yourself, the less you will try to control your partner into taking responsibility for your self-worth and sense of safety. The less you try to control getting love and avoiding pain, the less resistance you create in your partner. This allows the natural chemistry – the chemistry that was likely there at the beginning of your relationship – to flourish.
  • The more you develop your loving adult, the more open and vulnerable you are able to be. When you can count on you, as a loving adult, to lovingly manage rejection by not taking it personally, and to set loving limits against losing yourself in the relationship, you feel safe. This safety is what allows you to be open and vulnerable, which is what creates connection with your partner and can lead to sexual passion.
  • The more you learn to connect with your spiritual guidance and fill yourself with love, the more love you have to share with your partner. When two people are filled with love due to loving themselves, they receive great pleasure from sharing their love, which often naturally leads to love making.
  • The more you discover your core gifts and manifest these gifts in the world – which results from loving yourself – the more interesting you are. When partners are fulfilling themselves, they have much to share with each other. Sharing of their fulfilling lives leads to emotional connection, which can lead to passionate love making. Boredom with each other does just the opposite. The more you learn to love yourselves, the more interesting you both become.
  • Far from being selfish, loving yourself is actually the opposite. When you love yourself and are meeting many of your own needs, you are able to let go of expectations of your partner meeting your needs. When you are not needy, you become far more attractive to your partner. Neediness is what’s selfish – expecting others to give you what you refuse to give to yourself. And, neediness isn’t erotic!
  • If you are not in a relationship, loving yourself is what can lead to attracting your beloved. The more you learn to love yourself, the more secure you feel and the more you attract people who love themselves and are inwardly secure. You have a much better chance of creating a loving relationship when you learn to love yourself, than if you are abandoning yourself.

This is just a partial list of the benefits of learning to love yourself. Aside from creating loving relationships and sexual passion, there are also the wonderful benefits of inner peace, joy and the manifestation of your inner gifts and talents!

Relationships: Why Are Some People Only Attracted To People Who Are Unavailable?

While one could be in a relationship with someone who is available, they might also find that they are with someone who is unavailable. This is something that is going to have a big effect on how fulfilling their relationship is.

One Experience

If one can relate to the former, they are likely to be with someone who is not just with them physically; they are going to be with them emotionally. Therefore, they are not just going to share their bodies and even their mind, they will also share their hearts.

What this means is that one person is not going to be with the other to avoid how they feel, and they are not going to be caught up with their ex. Through being with someone like this, one will be able to experience intimacy.

Another Experience

But if they can only relate to the former, they can be with someone who is only willing to share their mind and body with them. As a result of this, the other person’s heart is not going to be on offer.

The other person will be in a relationship with them and yet they are not really going to be with them. One is likely to want far more from them than they are prepared to give, and this can cause them to experience pain.

Caught up

At the same time, one could even be with someone who is in a relationship with another person. So while one can say that they are with them, they are going to know that this is not the complete truth.

Even so, this doesn’t mean that they will always face up to this, and during these moments, they could pretend that the other person is only with them. This will allow them to delude themselves into believing that they are actually in a relationship with them.

To The Surface

When it comes to the moments when they do face up to what is taking place, they could ask them when they are going to leave their partner. This could be something they have asked them on numerous occasions.

And each time they ask, they could end up hearing that the same thing; with this being a time when they will tell them that it will happen soon. They could think about how this will allow them to finally have the other person to themselves.

The Perfect Outcome

If this was to happen, one could be only too happy about what has taken place; they will finally have what they have wanted for so long. The other person will be emotionally available, and this will have a big effect on their relationship.

They will no longer have to share them with someone else, and they might even think about taking things further. Perhaps they want to have children, or even to get married to this person.

A Different Reaction

On the other hand, one could find that they are no longer attracted to this person now that they are available. At one point in time, they would have had such a strong need to be with them, and now it is no longer there.

If one was to take a step back, they might find it hard to understand why they feel this way. They could come to believe that it’s because the other person has changed, or that they just don’t feel the same way anymore.

A One-Off

If something like this was to happen, one could find that this is something that hasn’t taken place before. There is then going to be no reason for them to think about it anymore and they can carry on with their life.

Alternatively, one could find that this is not the first time this has happened, and they might end up thinking about why this is the case. Still, it could still end up being overlooked and one could simply move on.


In addition to this, one could find that when it comes to the people they have been attracted to in the past, they might see that they are only drawn to people who are not available. So if someone is distant, they could find that they end up pursuing them.

It can then be as if they only want to be with someone if they can’t have them, and if they can, they are not interested in them. The people who were available in the past would then have been the ones who repelled them.

The Secret

Therefore, if someone wanted to attract them, they would need to make sure that they don’t come on too strong or give them too much attention. As if they do this, it will cause one to chase them.

But as soon as they change their behaviour, one is likely to end up pulling away and that could be the end of it. It could be said that this will the kind of relationship where a lot of games will be played.

A Deeper Look

When one experiences life in this way, it is likely to show that they don’t feel comfortable with intimacy. They are going to have two fears that will define how they behave, and one will be stronger than the other.

Their fear of being engulfed will stop them from being able to feel comfortable with someone who is available, and their fear of being abandoned will cause them to chase someone who is unavailable.

And of course, the fear of being engulfed will play a big part in why they are drawn to someone who is unable to be there for them. This is also likely to show that one doesn’t have good boundaries.


During their younger years, they may have been brought up by a caregiver who didn’t respect their boundaries, and this would have caused them to feel smothered. These early experiences would then have set them up to fear getting close to others.

If one wants to change this, it will be necessary for them to develop boundaries and to deal with what is taking place within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

Is Self-Awareness Something for You? If You Look for a Successful Relationship, the Answer Is YES

In today’s’ world of social media and immediate gratification, many don’t have the time – or take the time – to develop Self-Awareness – to get to understand, once and for all, what makes them fail in their relationships time and again.

Many date constantly, rushing from one date to another, “as if there is no tomorrow”, as if “the more the better”, as if they have turned the hunting-game into their goal, rather than the relationship itself. By doing so, they have a short-term view in front of their eyes, not a long-term.

The paradox is, that inside, deep inside, many of them “would have wished” they had a successful, long-term intimate relationship; but the group-pressure to date more and more; the need to prove – to themselves as well as to others – that they are worthwhile, wanted, “object of desire”, drive them to this dating-marathon. And with today’s so many dating-sites and so many instant ways to “connect” with one another, isn’t the “dating game” just one more sort of, well, a game?

But everything which looks advantageous has its limitations. And dating constantly, uninterrupted – even with unlimited, unguarded, uninhibited sex – might have its consequences: at the end of the game, one might feel worthless, insecure, with low self-image, undesired, abused and alone.

Still, in spite of all these, he/she might still be unwilling to develop Self-Awareness: to truly understand how he/she shoots self in the foot; to realize how his/her immature and behavior don’t land them the relationship they so much desire.

And why is it so? Why are so many afraid to develop this important Self-Awareness, which will provide them with the key to understanding whatever it was that they haven’t understood until now; whatever it was that has driven them to sabotage their attempts at relationships time and again; whatever it was that has driven them to jump from one date to another, day in day out, feeling frustrated, disappointed and alone, time and again?

Unwillingness to develop Self-Awareness is due to several reasons:

First of all, not knowing what Self-Awareness is and means.

Second, not understanding how becoming aware can help you realize how they shoot themselves in the foot.

Third, being afraid to be confronted with issues about themselves they have tried to run away from until now; unwilling to “dig in” and discover “who they really are”.

After all, it is scary to realize things about yourself that for a long time you have preferred not to know: could it be that you have a fear of commitment? Could it be that you need to prove to yourself, time and again, that you are a “sexual available” person? Could it be that you just don’t know what intimacy is and are afraid even to try? Could it be that you have been hurt in the past and are afraid to try again?

Whatever the reason, many are afraid to look inside, reflect and understand their harmful, self-sabotaging attitudes and behaviors. It is so much easier to walk around not-understanding, ignoring, and not acknowledging “who you really are” and what truly drives you to behave the way you do…

It is so easy to always blame others (including parents!) as well as other circumstances for not being successful in relationships, or rationalizing it with one and thousand rationalizations, rather than taking the steps necessary to make a positive change and strive for success.

The Art of Self-Awareness

If you have reached the point that sex, pleasure and unlimited dating isn’t satisfying you anymore, and are seriously wishing to have a successful and happy intimate relationship, the best way for you to achieve this goal is to develop Self-Awareness: to take the time – and effort! – to look inside, recognize the ways in which you have shot yourself in the foot until now (probably without even realizing it!) and realize what you need to change in order to finally succeed!

Although developing Self-Awareness can be frightening at the beginning of the process, as long as you persevere with it you will begin to enjoy the new insights you gain about yourself and the new behavioral and attitudinal options which are available at your disposal in pursuing your goal of a successful intimate relationship.

There are many ways in which you can begin pursuing your Self-Awareness: either by reading books on the subject; attending Self-Awareness workshops and courses, and/or seeking a short-term counseling.